Why Leaving Isn’t Simple: Gaslighting & Trauma Bonds in Dubai
Introduction
If you’ve ever wondered why someone doesn’t “just leave” an abusive marriage, you’re not alone, but the reality is complex and dangerous. Psychological abuse such as gaslighting and coercive control, can distort a person’s sense of reality, chip away at confidence, and create powerful trauma bonds that keep them trapped. Intimate partner violence (IPV) also causes serious health harms—including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress—and leaving can be the riskiest time if safety planning is not in place.
This article explains what gaslighting looks like, why “false hope” cycles keep partners attached, and what evidence-based support and treatments actually help. It also signposts discreet help in Dubai and how Windsor Medical Center can support survivors and families with confidential, trauma-informed care.
What are gaslighting and coercive control?
Gaslighting is a pattern of psychological manipulation where an abuser makes a partner doubt their memories, judgment, and sanity (“You’re imagining it”). It’s recognized in research as a form of psychological violence within gender-based and intimate partner abuse. Coercive control is the broader pattern—threats, isolation, monitoring, controlling money/devices—used to dominate a partner over time.
Key signs may include:
- Persistent denial or minimization of abuse.
- Blaming the victim; twisting facts.
- Isolation from friends and family, and control of finances/phones.
- Threats, intimidation, or stalking (including digital).
Why “just leave” is an unsafe oversimplification
Leaving is not only emotionally hard—it can be dangerous without a plan. Evidence shows risk of serious injury or homicide can increase around separation, particularly with highly controlling partners.
Other science-backed reasons people stay:
- Trauma bonding & intermittent reinforcement: cycles of abuse followed by apologies and affection create strong attachments.
- Coercive control–related PTSD and depression: ongoing control is linked with significant mental health symptoms that impair decision-making.
- Learned helplessness & cognitive distortions: over time, survivors may feel escape is impossible or undeserved.
- Practical barriers: children, finances, housing, immigration or community pressures—often exploited by the abuser. (See safety resources below.)
Importantly, major health services advise not telling someone to leave if they’re not ready; the priority is non-judgmental support and safety.
Health impacts you can’t see (but feel every day)
Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a public-health issue that harms body and mind. Survivors have higher rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD, chronic pain, and substance use issues. Children exposed to IPV are also at risk of emotional and behavioral problems.
Evidence-based help: what actually supports safety and recovery
First-line support & safety
- Believe, validate, and listen without blame.
- Ask about immediate safety and help create a safety plan (contacts, emergency bag, code words with trusted people). Safety-planning interventions reduce revictimization risk.
- Avoid joint couples therapy when violence is ongoing. Research cautions against it due to power imbalances and risk. Individual, trauma-informed care is safer.
- Use discreet digital safety (private browsing; clear history; safe devices). The NHS offers practical guidance for people exploring help online.
Treatments with the strongest evidence
- Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT) and EMDR are guideline-recommended for PTSD related to abuse and complex trauma.
- Children exposed to IPV also benefit from structured, trauma-focused therapies.
Discreet help in Dubai (UAE)
If you or a loved one is in danger, call 999 (Police) in the UAE. For support and reporting:
- Dubai Foundation for Women & Children: 800111
- Community Development Authority (Dubai): 800988 (Child Protection)
- Additional national channels listed on the UAE Government Portal.
For mental health services and psychology/psychiatry care under Dubai Health Authority, see DHA service directories and standards. (Use these for verified providers if you need public services or referrals.)
How our Windsor Medical Center can help (confidentially)
At our Windsor Medical Center, we provide trauma-informed, survivor-centred care:
- Psychiatry & Psychology: assessment for PTSD, anxiety, depression; medication when indicated; TF-CBT/EMDR-aligned therapy pathways.
- Child & Adolescent Psychology: support for children affected by parental conflict or exposure to IPV.
- Family support & safety planning: practical guidance that prioritizes safety; liaison with appropriate authorities when requested by the survivor and where legally required.
Practical, science-backed tips for families & parents
- Use supportive language: “I’m worried about your safety; I believe you.” (Avoid ultimatums.)
- Encourage professional help (GP/clinic/therapist) and document incidents (photos, messages) safely.
- Co-create a safety plan: exits, safe words, emergency bag, copies of IDs/medications, and trusted pickups for children.
- Protect digital privacy: private browsing, secure passwords, consider a safe device not monitored by the partner.
People don’t “just leave” abusive marriages because gaslighting, coercive control, trauma bonds, mental-health impacts, and real safety risks create powerful barriers. With non-judgmental support, safety planning, and proven trauma therapies, survivors and families can move toward safety and healing. Windsor team offers discreet, evidence-based care tailored to Dubai’s systems and resources.
References
- World Health Organization (WHO). Violence against women: Key facts (mental-health impacts of IPV).
- U.S. CDC. Intimate Partner Violence—definitions and health effects; psychological aggression & coercive tactics.
- NHS. Domestic violence and abuse—getting help; online safety guidance.
- Dutton DG, Painter S. Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: traumatic bonding theory. (Violence & Victims, 1993).
- Lohmann S, et al. The trauma and mental-health impacts of coercive control: meta-analysis. (2023).
- Campbell JC, et al. Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships. (AJPH, 2003).
- Adhia A, et al. Intimate Partner Homicide of Adolescents. (JAMA Pediatrics, 2019).
- NHS (Scotland/NHS Inform & NHS). PTSD treatment—TF-CBT and EMDR recommendations.
- Murray LK, et al. Effectiveness of TF-CBT for children exposed to violence. (JAMA Pediatrics, 2015).
- Karakurt G, et al. Couple therapy for IPV: systematic review—often inappropriate for violent couples. (2016).
- WHO Clinical Handbook. Health care for women subjected to IPV. (Practical first-line support).
- UAE Government Portal (u.ae). Emergency numbers (999 Police) and national helplines; children’s and domestic abuse reporting lines (Dubai).
- Dubai Health Authority (DHA). Mental Health & Psychology Services directory; Standards for Mental Health Services.
